1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
