You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
