Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
