Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
