I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
