I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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