someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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