My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
