i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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