was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
