So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
