Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
