A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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