dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
