you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
