Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
