you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
