i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My bed smells like the plague
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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