So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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