Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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