There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
