someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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