what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
