You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
