Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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