theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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