dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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