Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
