we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
