I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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