Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
