you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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