So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
