He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
