I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
