i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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