So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
