well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
