I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
