Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
