I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
