This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
