Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My ass is underappreciated
They have beer where we have blood.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
