I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
