my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
