we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He felt like a one man threesome
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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