I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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