I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
