ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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