that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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