I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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