DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
