sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
