I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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