Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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