Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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