after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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