when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
