hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
