he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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