She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
