the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
