dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
