Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
