Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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