I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
